Here’s some stuff I found on the internet about my athletic abilities:
• If you enjoy running, you’re in luck; Tollers are fast—they can reach speeds up to 45 mph!
• Running Miles: Healthy Duck Tolling Retrievers may be able to run up to five miles. Hiking Miles: A full-grown Toller may enjoy spending a full day on the trail.
• Tollers are an athletic, intelligent, driven breed that has the innate ability to excel at
. . . dog agility, dock jumping, disc catching, flyball . . . yada yada yada.
So yes. I’m a jock. We know that. I can do all kinds of sports. But here’s what I really like to do, from most to least . . .
1. FETCHING: Let’s face it — I was born to fetch. (It was supposed to be ducks, not tennis balls, but I make do.) I can
retrieve 24/7. In the heat of the summer at the beach in Montauk, or in below-zero weather in a snowstorm up in Vermont. I never stop voluntarily; Beagle Man makes me stop when he thinks I’m gonna die. Lots of times I hear people ask him how he trained me to drop the ball at his feet, which is pretty funny, since he couldn’t train a squirrel to search for a nut. The truth is I drop the ball at his feet because I want him to throw it again.
2. HIKING: Anywhere is fine, though I do love the mountains in VT. I’d cover tons more ground if I could go at my own pace, but Beagle Man tells me I’m not allowed to go so far ahead that he can’t see me. One time when I was young we got separated for maybe five minutes, and I never heard the end of it. So now I look back every so often to make sure he’s in sight. Here’s what I see: Yes, he’s back there. And here’s what I think: How can anyone walk that slow?
3. CROSS-COUNTRY SKIING: Oh, man, I used to love doing this with Beagle Man. I love snow more than anything. (I love the ocean, too, but I think snow is my favorite.) We’d go to this huge snowy field, and while Beagle Man would glide along, slow and steady, I’d go zooming ahead, throw myself in the snow, wallow on my back making snow angels, and then rush back to Beagle Man. If he was about to go down a hill, we’d play chicken: I’d stand right in his path until he screamed at me, then I’d jump out of the way at the last second. Freaked him out. Trouble is they closed that area, so I haven’t gone cross-country skiing in a while. But Beagle Man says he’s found a new spot that he thinks will work for us, so we’ll see . . .
4. SWIMMING: I know what you’re thinking: He’s a water dog. Shouldn’t swimming rank higher?
And yes, diving in the ocean after a ball is the greatest! But swimming for swimming’s sake? Not my thing. I’d rather patrol the sand, searching for leftovers. Now my neighbor, Grace the Vizsla — she’ll swim all day, up and back, up and back, paddling parallel to the shore line. I have no idea why the heck she does this. Seems pointless.
5. SURFING: I’m talking counter-surfing, of course. All sorts of good stuff up there, so it’s always worth a try. Ricky the Beagle, may he rest in peace, was a Hall of Famer at this — and he was only 15 inches tall! Where food was concerned, that dog could sky, but since he could only smell the selections, not see them, it was kind of pot luck for him. With my height advantage, I can survey the counter, and choose wisely before I get shooed away.
6. TUG OF WAR: Not a huge fan. I’ll play for a few seconds to humor Beagle Man, or whoever, but if they want that rope toy so bad, they can have it. I’d rather do something that a.) involves a ball, and b.) is a bit more aerobic.
7. FRISBEE: This is interesting. Yes, it says in one of the quotes above that Duck Tollers excel at “disc catching.” And Beagle Man goes bananas when I leap, swivel my head, and nab that sucker high in the air. Says he always wanted a “Frisbee dog.” So I’ll do it once, maybe twice, to make him happy. But I’m just not that into it. As I said
before, I’d rather catch a ball.
8. KEEP-AWAY: For the life of me, I don’t get what dogs see in this. Worst game ever invented. Pickle loves it. Ruckus loves it. Grace and Gwen, too. So annoying! One of these pests will grab my ball and scamper away. Like, catch me if you can! Seriously? I know they’re never gonna let me have it back. Oh sure, they might drop it at their feet for a second, but if I make a move, they just snatch it up again. Taunting me. Sorry. Not playing. Easier to just bark until Beagle Man steps in and helps me out.
Beagle Man always has a lot to say, so I’ll just pipe up in The Duck Dog Speaks whenever I can.
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