Some Questions I’d Ask If I Were Kemba . . .

* * *COUNTDOWN: 58 DAYS TO LA/XC-6 * * *

Hey, I know everyone’s all revved up about Beagle Man’s so-called “Epilogue Trip,” less than two months away.  But Kemba, my young Duck Dog friend, I haven’t heard much out of you . . . other than surprise.  Now I know this ain’t your first rodeo.  In fact, you’ll be tied with me at three cross-country road trips apiece when you’ve finished.  But dude, if I were you, there’s a few things I’d check up on before giving up the nice comforts of home and hitting the road for three weeks . . .

1.  Yes, I know the big, exciting feature with this whole “birthday” deal is that Mrs. B. has lined up important “guest co-pilots” for the Beagle Man.  But here’s what I’d want to know:  Where, exactly, does that co-pilot sit?  ‘Cause if we’re talking about the shotgun seat — the shotgun seat that belongs to the K-Dawg, as far as I’m concerned — I wouldn’t just sit there grinning and panting.

2.  Those days when the B-Man’s got a full house in the car?  Like when Matt, and Greg, and Robby, and Geiger are all along for the ride?  Forget the shotgun seat:  Do you have any seat at all???

3.  During some of those cool attractions you guys are taking in — you know, like the Bourbon Trail in Kentucky, and the

Dolphins-Colts game in Indy, and that Miranda Lambert concert in Greensboro — what’ll you be doing?  And who’s gonna look after you?

4.  You’re a pretty active pup, I’ve noticed.  Got a lot more energy than I ever did.  Have they penciled in enough exercise breaks for you?  You’re covering a lot of miles, and FYI? — there are no oceans for you to swim in in between CT and Cali.

5.  Mrs. B. took care of hotel rezzies in the big cities with the guest co-pilots, but do you and the B-Man have anything locked up for those middle-of-nowhere stops when it’s just the two of you?  Yeah, I know, you can play it by ear . . . but I recall winding up in some pretty creepy joints when we didn’t nail down something in advance.  Ask Beagle Man if he happens to remember Seminole, Texas, in 2012, by any chance.

Take it from an old dog:  You can’t always be Mr. Nice Guy.  Sometimes you gotta play it a little stubborn and pushy.  Just sayin’, Little Bro . . .

The Roof Rack Report used to appear regularly on Mondays. Now it appears once in a blue moon, when Beagle Man deigns to give me some space . . .