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Expensive Taste

Posted on by Hank

“Do you think Ricky would prefer the venison, or the kangaroo? Of course he could also have rabbit . . . or duck.”

The speaker is not a waiter at a four-star restaurant; it’s Dr. B., our vet. And Ricky is my beagle. The evening Dr. B offered up these exotic delicacies for our dog, I was having Celeste frozen pizza for dinner. What’s wrong with this picture?

Okay –to be fair to my little doggy, aside from being the world’s most handsome beagle, he happens to be epileptic. His seizures,Ricky on throne when they first appeared, were very freaky — right out of The Exorcist. By now, unfortunately, we’ve become quite used to them. And the “novel protein diet” proposed by Dr. B. is just one more attempt at keeping his condition under control. As it is, he takes more pills than a hypochondriac in assisted living: 3 whites, 1 pink, 2 capsules, 1 vitamin B-1, and 1 muscle pill with breakfast; 3 whites and a pink at 3PM; one more vitamin B-1 with dinner; 2 capsules at 7 PM, and 3 whites and a pink at 10 PM. We don’t have one of those weekly pill boxes for him, but he certainly could use one.

So without question, he does need and deserve all this special attention. But the fact of the matter is, before he was ever diagnosed, this was one pampered pup.

For starters, he sleeps on a throne. He used to sleep in a crate, but our youngest son, Robby — Ricky’s Protector — didn’t think this was good enough for his dog. Robby noticed Ricky was partial to the club chair in our bedroom — the newest, nicest, most expensive chair in our house. So now Ricky sleeps on this chair — which is specially refitted for him every night with two extra-soft New York Mets blue-and-orange fleece throws and his own red velour doggy bed. (Very attractive, as you can see, above.) Btw, he’s carried to this throne by yours truly from whichever random spot in the house he happens to have dozed off.

And since he’s not fond of walking on our own block (he demonstrates this by lying down on the pavement, forcing me to drag him like a pull-toy), I take him for destination walks: We get in the car — his very favorite place in the entire world — and drive to his walking venue, which might be Greenfield Hill Church, Southport Harbor, Burying Hill Beach, or Longshore. Only the finest for my boy. I mean, let’s be honest: This is a dog who gets a treat for peeing outside, pooping outside, and for drinking water. (“Good boy drink water like that.”)

So yes, Dr. B., thanks so much for offering. I think Ricky will have the venison.



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