THE DOG PADDLER

Yeah, so he can swim.  Big whoop.

Still, what a fuss the crowd on the beach make about the revered Kemba!  Stranger strolls by, and K-Dawg snaps to attention.  “Can he swim?” bypasser asks Beagle Man.  Without replying verbally, and without getting up from his sand chair, B-Man grabs a stick he’s stashed conveniently by his side, and hands it to walker.  “Throw it into the ocean, far as you can,” which the man does.  Kemba, on cue, dashes into the surf, gracefully leaps a wave, paddles out, snags the stick with a lightning thrust of his snout, and carries it back, clenched in his jaws, with his head held high, to keep the precious cargo safe from white water and currents.  Then he trots back with his jaunty bounce, lays the prize at the gentleman’s feet, and looks up expectantly.  The man melts.  “Did you see him ride that wave back in?  I’ve never seen a  dog do that before!”

“He’ll do that 24/7, if you keep throwing to him,” B-Man says, somewhat smugly.  “He pretty much lives in the water.”

Yes, my handsome nephew gets the oohs and ahh, and he most definitely plays to the crowd.  But he’s only

doing what he was bred to do.  He’s supposed to swim; it’s part of his job description.  Listen to this, from Wagwalking.com on the Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever as one of the top 10 breeds for swimming:

This pup might have a long and somewhat funny name, but this workaholic was designed for the water. As their name implies, they retrieves birds from the water and are a hunter’s favorite companion. This doggo’s build is strong and of medium size, making them perfect to take on an expedition where swimming is needed.

Me, on the other hand?  Leave me on dry land, and I’m good.  For ten years Beagle Man would try to lure me into the water.  One time at the beach, knowing my fondness for food — to put it mildly — he extended a handful of treats in my direction.  As I approached, he backed up, toward the water.  Again, he extended his hand, and as I approached, he backed up a few steps more.  Same thing over and over, till he’s standing in the ocean.  He thinks he has me.  But I dig in.  Stand my ground.  Sure, I like my treats.  But swim for ’em?  Nothing’s that important.

Again: breeding.  Here’s what Dogster.com has to say about Beagles and swimming:

The breed will never be known for its love of water. They are by no means water dogs. They prefer to run around out in the open and through forests than wade in the water, and if they can swim, it doesn’t necessarily mean they love it. Beagles can learn how to swim and learn to do it well, but they are certainly not natural swimmers.

Yeah, when it comes to swimming, Kemba blows me out of the water.  (Haha.)  But I wonder if he could sniff out a three-day-old single French fry gift-wrapped inside six boxes (box within box within box, etc.), and then disguised among a huge pile of presents under the tree.  Matt tried this one Christmas morning, circa 2004, just to see if I could find the prize.  I did.  And then tore through all the cardboard, and all the wrapping.  And ate the fry.  Yum.  Point is, while Tollers make the top ten in swimming, Beagles are in the top three for sense of smell.  Only a Bloodhound can out-sniff me, and with a German Shepherd, it’s a draw.  I’ve got, oh, about 225 million olfactory receptors.  You, if you’re reading this, have maybe 5 million, tops.  I can pick up a scent from 500 yards away.  That would be five football fields.  I’d like to see my doggy-paddling pal try to top that.

So.  Love ya, K-Dawg.  But let’s not compete.  You do you, and I’ll do me.

The Roof Rack Report used to appear regularly on Mondays. Now it appears once in a blue moon, when Beagle Man deigns to give me some space . . .