Eleven-thirty, Friday night, September 8. I’d already opted for an E.T.B. (that’s sleepaway camp terminology for early-
to-bed) — when I heard screams and commotion coming from the first floor. I wasn’t inclined to go back down and investigate, because a.) this was Carol’s annual husband-and-wife Book Club Weekend in Amagansett, and there were more than enough adults in the house to handle . . . whatever, and b.) there were hoots of laughter immediately following the screams.
The next morning I got a briefing on what I’d missed: One Jacob Hershel Friedman (a.k.a. “Jake,” or “Jakey”; see photo, right), Nancy and Steve’s Flat-Coated Retriever mix, had shown up at our doorstep proudly presenting the household with a dead bunny rabbit he’d “caught.” (Of course I’m being generous with the word “caught.” At 13-and-a-half, Jake would be hard-pressed to catch his own shadow. Roadkill was the best the sweet old boy could manage.)
The incident begged two questions: 1. Why do our dogs think we’ll be pleased to be gifted with small, dead animals? And, 2. Why do the dogs I’ve known even try to catch these animals in the first place? The late, great Ricky the Beagle, and now Kemba the Duck Toller, both of them possessing the quicks of an NFL cornerback, have never come close to catching a rabbit or a squirrel. They’ll pursue, jam on the brakes at the trunk of the tree up which the squirrel has scampered, and gaze skyward, with a wondrous, WTF look on their face. And Ruckus, Greg’s pitbull mix, who’s cheetah-fast? He spent his entire West Side career dashing after Hudson River rats — and came up empty every single time.
Come to think of it, the only dog in my acquaintance who’s ever actually caught a bunny is my friend Laura’s Amazing Grace. That would be several bunnies. (For more on this, I refer you to the Centennial Beach Massacre from my April 2015 LA/XC-4 road trip.) But I’m afraid I have to place an asterisk alongside Grace’s exploits, for two reasons: 1. She’s part harrier, which means she was bred to hunt rabbits (i.e., she’s a professional); and 2. She was pulling all the helpless bunnies from their rabbit hole — which is kind of like hitting 500-foot bombs in batting practice.
Putting Amazing Grace aside, I suppose that makes Jakey the canniest of the bunch. Dawg knows his limits. The only rabbit he’s gonna catch is one that’s already dead.
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