LINEUP: Which of these hardened canines do you think is the perp in the Fairfax County pooper scooper scandal?
So here’s what happened: An argument between neighbors in Fairfax County, Virginia, over unscooped dog poop got out of hand, and actually wound up in front of a jury in County court. The defendant, a dog walker, spent $1,200 in legal fees, brought in an eyewitness to testify on her behalf, and submitted a photo of a pile of poop as evidence — all this according to a Washington Post report by Justin Jouvenal last week. This, the article added, wasn’t the first such battle in the Washington burbs: “Two northern Virginia apartment complexes have signed on for PooPrints, a service that collects DNA samples from pooches, taking a ‘CSI’-style approach to find the culprits of unclaimed messes.” My favorite quote from the Fairfax trial: The defendant said she understood that to outsiders, the case must appear “absolutely absurd.” Ya think?
This pooper scooper affair leaves two questions burning in my mind. One: Where does my friend Jeff, who forwarded me this tidbit, find these things he’s constantly sending me? I toil in the same internet he does and I have not yet — not even once — circulated a story with the preface,”I think you’ll find this interesting.” And two: Do we really need Franklin & Bash to figure out what’s right and what’s wrong in a situation like this?
Back before I had a dog, I found piles of poop in public places gross. And now that I’m a dog owner, I still find those piles gross. Fortunately, in most areas, picking up after your dog is the norm, and just about everybody falls in line. But there are neighborhoods — and I’m thinking of a certain circle of houses in a pristine stretch of Vermont forest where we spend a lot of time — where no one seems to feel compelled to scoop. Though I haven’t yet challenged anybody about this, my guess is that they’d defend their actions on the grounds that it’s natural: Deer . . . woodchucks . . . moose . . . bear . . . they’re all doing it out there, and nobody’s picking up after them.
There’s a big difference, though. The deer and the woodchucks and the moose and the bear aren’t doing it right alongside the road where I walk.
I.D.’s for lineup, above — top left: Toby, a person of interest in the case (actually, my friend Jeff’s bichon); center: Ricky, who’s not related in any way to the incident, but I really like this picture; bottom right: Baxter, a Westie-bichon mix, and the actual culprit
Re: Poop-gate. It wasn’t Toby’s. I at least always pretend to bend over and pick up the poop even if I really can’t see it at night — just for cases like this where someone may be watching. And at least my dog wouldn’t be tempted to EAT the evidence like some I know who may be well known to Beagle Man.
Hank, you have just opened a can of worms I have been shewing about for some time. In my neighborhood, Pumpkin Hill in WePo, somebody repeatedly picks up after their dog and then throws the filled bag of poop along the side of the road, often in other people’s front yards. I believe it must be the same person b/c it’s always in HOT PINK POOP BAGS! why would someone bother to pick it up if they are just going to throw it in someone’s yard???? You must know that I am now on the lookout for anyone carrying pink bags. I did spot someone recently and, if I weren’t in a hurry, I would have followed her home. Can you see the headlines in the next Westport News? “Crazed Westporter Rants About Pink Poop Bags. now in Custody.” thanks for the opportunity to vent.