Remember that weekend last month when I had three “accidents” in the Vermont house, and Beagle Man banished me for the rest of the season? But I knew I’d get another chance when his grand-nephew Teddy came up? Well, this was the weekend. And honestly — I think I would have been better off if they’d left me home. Know what it feels like to be a third wheel? That’s me when Prince Teddy is
around. “Can you stand that little face?” “Ohmygod, can you believe his gorgeous hair?” Uh, hello? Anyone remember me? Cutest dog of all time? That little . . . person is allowed to skim china plates around the kitchen as if they’re Frisbees, spill juice on B-Man’s favorite photo album, and drag me around by the collar like I’m some circus animal — and that’s all hunky-dory. But let me take a wiz on the carpet in front of the Franklin stove just once, and it’s like it’s some federal offense, and I’m banned from the living room for the rest of the evening. Ah, but when His Royal Highness wants to go sledding, now the B-Man remembers me. Now I’m allowed to come out and play. So I can be used as a freaking prop! To make things even more fun for Teddy! Sure, I like riding in cars — but have you ever been held captive by a two-and-a-half year old on a tiny green plastic sled hurtling downhill into a snowbank? Sheesh! You know, I turn 11 in a couple of months. Wouldn’t you think I’ve earned the right to a little peace and quiet — and dignity?
The Roof Rack Report (#roofrackreport on Twitter, for those who follow me already on @BeagleManHank) appears on Mondays, usually. Actually, whenever Beagle Man decides to give me some space . .
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