“If You Like Topography . . .”

LA/XC-5 DAYS SEVEN AND EIGHT: POSTING FROM WILLIAMS, ARIZONA

Two-day mileage from Grand Junction, CO to Williams, AZ: 691.8

Total LA/XC-5 mileage: 2,913.4

Road Music:  Thursday: Back-to-nature silence for two hours; Dierks Bentley mix; Politics on Sirius; LA/XC-5 “Live” playlist — Dierks, Stones, Dylan, Dixie Chicks, Trish Murphy, and Janis Joplin (explained Janis’s inclusion on first road post, “Impressive

Take-off“; Friday:  Silence; The Highway (country music on Sirius); Mets vs. Phillies (Mets win again!  Jay Bruce red-hot!  Magic number for Wild Card is ONE! [Yes, I know, the Metsies clinched on Saturday.  But the bulk of this post was written on Friday, so let’s just go with it . . .]

Weather leaving Grand Junction Thursday morning: 59 degrees and rainy

Weather arriving Williams Friday night: 68 degrees, and changing from sun to rain to sun by the minute

Two-day state tally: 3 (Colorado, Utah, Arizona)

Gas money to date: $326.17

When Robby was in second grade, his class did a library project on the regions of the U.S., and what they were known for.  Apparently their teacher had encouraged (threatened?) the kids, who were working in “teams,” to develop a gripping topic sentence, not just the expected “This is a report about commerce in New England.”  Some bright bulb in the group apparently came up with, “If you like commerce, then New England is for you!”  I guess the rest of the class found this line Faulkner-esque, because thereafter every presentation began the same way:  “If you like fishing, then the Northwest is for you!”  “If you like Tourism, then the West Coast is for you!”  But our hands-down favorite was, “If you like topography, then the Southwest is for you!”

Well, if you like topography, then Colorado and Utah, especially, are for you.  Carol and I got huge chuckles from that line as the Mars-like landscape along I-

70 in Utah whizzed by our windows.  (If you read “Reality Check,” Carol’s debut guest-post yesterday, then you’ll know our Little Old Lady from Pasadena flirted with, then broke, the sound barrier on several occasions.)  We’d zoom by remarkable “hoodoos” (spectacularly tall, weirdly shaped rock spires), and Carol would ooh and aah.  Then I’d point out a distant vista of purple mountains and she’d say, “Nah.  Too far away.” So we concluded that while she’s big on “topography,” she can live without “vistas.”

You’ve probably heard me say that Utah’s I-70 could be designated a national park in its own right, so awe-inspiring are the rock

formations.  Which was my excuse for not including any of the state’s five national parks on our projected itinerary.  But when I looked at my map before taking off Thursday morning, I realized we’d be passing within 15 miles of Bryce Canyon National Park.  Hmmm . . .  I’d been to Bryce on LA/XC-3 in 2013 with Ricky the Beagle, and its “Amphitheater” — sort of a super-hits of massive, outlandish hoodoos all together in one sweeping panorama — was right up there with Machu Picchu in Peru on my list of

top-sights-I’ll-never-forget.  So, spur

of the moment, I altered the itinerary!!  (Who says I can’t be Mr. Spontaneity??)  As Carol conceded in her post, it was possibly the best detour we’ve ever taken.

This weird thing happened on our Thursday race through Utah.  We didn’t see even a single spot we’d care to stop for a meal.  In fact, at all the posted exits along I-70, we couldn’t even detect the town referred to.

Our theory?  We think the state of Utah is embarrassed to have no towns, and they just make up names on the exit signs for the hell of it.  So as we approached Kanab on Route 89, our overnight destination, Carol said, “You know what this region needs?  Some savvy guy from Brooklyn to come in and start a hip restaurant with ‘organic’ this and ‘locally sourced’ that and everything ‘sustainable.'”  A half hour later, we’re sitting at a table in Kanab’s funky, original-art-decorated, packed-to-the-gills Rocking V Cafe . . . owned and operated by Victor from, not quite Brooklyn, but Queens.  Close enough.  Carol the Conjuror.  (Btw, it looked like Victor, self-described “man of action” and “fearless leader,” per his business card, was making a killing.  Takes a New Yorker . . .)

On Friday — start of Week 2 on the road — it was the Grand Canyon.  When I first

visited, in 2011 on LA/XC-1, I thought nothing could measure up to the hype of this supposed wonder of the world.  But it did.  And then some.  Five years later, it hasn’t lost its punch.  This was the first time for Carol and for Kemba, and I could tell they were wowed, too — in spite of the fact that in her post, Carol underplayed her response to G-Can, saying it was “not too shabby.”  The scale of the thing is simply ridiculous (the Colorado River, 5,000 feet below, looks like a stream of dog pee), and the purples and pinks are surreal.  Somehow Kemba straining on his leash at every scenic overlook evoked Ricky more than any other stop so far.  Ricky, as you might recall, slept through the Grand Canyon.

Getting a huge kick out of using my “Lifetime Senior Pass” (get into National Parks free!) three times in three different states over the last two days: at Colorado National Monument, Bryce Canyon, and Grand Canyon.  Paid 25 bucks for it back in 2011.  Have used it a good 15 times, saving some $400, since.  Love it.

Spent the overnight in Williams, Arizona.  Cutesy Historic Route 66 town featuring a railroad to the Grand Canyon, upscale bistros, western shops, Route 66 souvenirs, and last night, specifically for our benefit, an awesome rainbow.

Today (Saturday):  Sedona . . . and then on to Cali.  Stay tuned . . .

RANDOM ROAD NOTES:

•  Passed Hanksville, Utah Thursday.  (For a photo, see “Greetings from Hanksville,” 2013.

•  Extremely pleasant surprise local (non-chain) restaurants last 3 dinners:  Enzo’s in Grand Junction; The Rocking V Cafe in Kanab, and Bottle + Barrel last night in Williams.  Might have to re-think my Applebee’s/B-Dubs only policy.

•  Hank: “Just saw a sign for Bucks Wash.  Hey, you know what they mean by a ‘wash’ out here?”  Carol: “No, what?”  Hank: “A stream.”  Carol: “Then why don’t they just call it a stream?”

•  Most enchanting roadside sign: MUSSENTUCHIT (town in Utah).  Sounds to me like Machatunim, the yiddish word for “in-laws”  Or as our in-laws Lisa and Joe would say, Mahi Tuna.

I PLAN TO POST AS CLOSE TO DAILY AS POSSIBLE WHILE KEMBA AND I ARE ON THE ROAD. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: MAN PLANS, GOD LAUGHS. 🙂   OH, AND BTW, YOU CAN ALSO FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK, TWITTER, AND INSTAGRAM.