Of course you remember the Coneheads, from the planet Remulak. Dan Aykroyd as Beldar. Jane Curtin as Prymaat. Laraine Newman as their daughter, Connie. Chugging entire six-packs of beer at once. Inhaling packages of cigarettes. Yapping about “consumables” and
“parental units” in their synthy, nasal monotone. Rubbing their cones together as a sign of affection. Insisting they come “from France.” (Here’s some old Saturday Night Live footage, to refresh your memory.)
This past week we had another kind of conehead in our household — and all of us felt just awful about it. Poor Ricky somehow got himself a bad cut on his left front leg, just above his paw, and — no surprise — couldn’t stop gnawing at it. The vet — again, no surprise — sentenced him to the dreaded cone. Every dog owner knows what a sad sight it is to watch your pet, looking like a little Shakespeare in his Elizabethan
collar, bumping into furniture, desperately trying to sniff the neighbor-dog’s poop (to no avail), and — horror of horrors — having trouble sticking his snout into the dogfood bowl. (As you might have guessed, Ricky problem-solved this last challenge in no time.)
And these are just the physical indignities. How about the poor dog’s psyche? What’s going through his mind? Hmm — yesterday I could squeeze between the green couch and the coffee table for those pretzel crumbs, and today — no way! What’s up with that? And what the hell has happened to my peripheral vision? Can’t see a damn thing.
Right now, Ricky’s paw is looking a lot better to me. We’re off to Dr. Poster’s office momentarily, and I’m hoping for a clean bill of health. Coneheads may be funny on SNL — but not on my beagle!
Did you see the movie, “Up” ? That collar was referred to as the “collar of shame.” What a hoot. I hated those collars as much as my dogs did. Not only did all three of my male dogs get neutered, but they had to wear an Elizabethan collar post surgery! Get neutered and wear a lady’s collar all in the same day. That’s cruel! They all survived, however. And we dumped the collars into the garbage. No bad memories in our house. Give Ricky a hug from me. Tell him to get well soon!!! (It’s for his own good)
Winston says, “Ricky, I feel your pain, man. My mom bought me one of those new “soft” collars. I think they’re for wimps.”
And on a personal note, may I just say…I am SO IMPRESSED by (and jealous of) your tech ability! Inserting that SNL link was cool…very cool.
Years ago I had a 130 lb Malamute that chewed his paw constantly.The vet put a cone on him.After bumping into furniture and wrecking the house I couldnt take it.The sad face.So the vet gave me some bad tasting salve to put on his paw. It was so awful he stopped chewing and finally healed