Crouching Golden, Leaping Beagle

Here's the look that gets him whatever he wants . . . Ever since that damn reunion in June, Beagle Man’s all “Teaneck High School this” and “Teaneck High School that.”  Excuse me, but aren’t you supposed to not talk about something you neglected to bring your so-called “best friend” to?  (Even though I hear a certain little Pomeranian puffball named Lola was there for the whole party — in someone’s purse!)  So ever...

I’m not sure whether the brouhaha over the release of my 100 favorite rock and roll songs of all time Demands a recount triggered this, but lately my son Matt and his girlfriend, Lauren, have been playing their own rankings game — constantly. They’ve been rating everything — from vegetables to exercise workouts to NBA basketball players — whenever they find themselves with a few spare minutes.  Typically, the “universe” from which their...

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Frankie sent me this photo, with a note: "Roxy and I are training to be luggage for your next cross-country trip." In your dreams, Frankie! When they hear me at their front door, they both get extremely yappy.  Roxy, a 10-year-old Entlebucher, because she’s happy to see me.  Frankie . . . not so much.  Frankie’s a 5-year-old Dachshund, and he’s got a little bit of that Napoleon thing going on.  I know a lot of small dogs like that.  But the real reason...

Vacant since '03 Okay, just because I spent $240 yesterday on a new carbon paddle — two thirds the price I paid for the whole kayak a few years ago! — doesn’t mean I’m stupid.  You won’t catch me shelling out $20,000 for a Rockstar Puppy custom doghouse equipped with heat and air-conditioning that can be controlled with an iPad, and music that comes on when the dog walks in.  (Sorry to say, I’m not making this up:  See last week’s NY...

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"Screw the birds. This is mine!" It’s true:  Most of my pals are dogs.  But not all. I’d like you to meet my new pal, Smokey.  Smokey showed up over the weekend at Beagle Man’s friend Mimi’s house in Simsbury.  Mimi already has Hooch, a black lab, and Simon, a yellow lab.  But she’s a pushover when it comes to animals — she rescued Simon, a cancer survivor, from the pound — so I wouldn’t be surprised if Smokey moves in as a...

A privileged dog There’s a commercial I hear on sports talk radio — I think it’s for Goodyear Tires — in which one guy says to another guy something like, “Just because you use seatbelts on your dogs doesn’t make them your kids.”  (Will someone who’s better at searching the internet than I am let me know the actual product, and the actual words?  Thanks.)  And the other guy says to his dogs, “You didn’t hear that,...

Cap'n Chester Look at him up there!  Proud . . . alone . . . captain of his fate.  I want that to be me! Beagle Man has a kayak — but has he ever taken me out?  Nooo! Just because I’m a bit of a wuss about the water, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to go out on a boat, fcol!  Btw, that’s my friend Chester, a yellow lab, on the prow of that 20-foot Mako.  Chester belongs to Jamie and Jill, and I run into him all the time at Snout Hook.  (Beagle Man...