I decided to guest-blog tonight so everyone can get a normal perspective on this insane trip. That, and Hank has been obsessively asking me to do it since we pulled out of the Denver airport parking lot 3 days ago. I couldn’t bear his having to cross off “Carol Post?” from his list a third consecutive night, so here goes.
“Tremendous!” “Amazing!” “Incredible!” “Unbelievable!” “Best ever!” No, I’m not referring to Donald Trump’s reactions to everything he says … I’m referring to Hank’s reactions to everything he sees. You’d
think from reading Hank’s blog all these years that life is perfect, his dog is perfect, his worldview is perfect. Our family calls it The World According to Hank … and somehow he thinks we are all crazy, not him.
So, I’ve decided that Hank, like Donald, is in desperate need of some fact-checking.
HANK: “Isn’t this the most gorgeous rest area, here in the foothills of
Utah?!”
TRUTH: It was a dusty dirt strip with restrooms whose doors had no locks on them. But there were mountains in the background.
HANK: “Don’t we meet the most amazing people along the way?!”
TRUTH: How would Hank know since it’s him telling his life story to every stranger.
HANK: “Isn’t Best Western Plus the greatest hotel chain?!”
TRUTH: Yes, after you’ve suffered through the most disgusting evening in a regular Best Western which was allegedly going to be the greatest ever too.
HANK: (every 5 minutes on I-70) “Isn’t this the most beautiful road you’ve ever seen?!”
TRUTH: Yes, for the first 20 minutes. The next 200 miles, not so much.
HANK: “Have you ever seen a smarter, more considerate, more well-behaved dog?!”
TRUTH: Kemba jumps on every single person he meets and walks so badly that he almost pulled Hank over the Grand Canyon.
But there have been some high points for me that have made it all worthwhile. Like listening to Hank nervously talk to Siri (“Hi Siri! Can you please tell me if there’s a dog park in Eagle, Colorado? Thanks so much!”). And getting to drive
in an 80 MPH zone (I actually hit 100 when I passed a truck, just cause I could!). And actually driving in a car without talking on the phone the whole way. And possibly the best thing of all: there is zero humidity in this part of the country, so my hair looks good every day.
It’s too bad there’s no way to do a X-Country Lite tour (right, Naince?:) where you could hit all the highlights without enduring the 300 mile stretches in between. But I will say that Bryce Canyon made this whole crazy trip worthwhile … and the Grand Canyon is none-too-shabby either. I am definitely going to come back someday with my grandchildren … but via plane, I can assure you.
Reality Check: Loved every fact checked word.
Mic Check? I hope Carol dropped the mic (or at least the mouse) when she finished writing her guest blog.
Stunning photos of the writers (all three of you now). Who is writing the next blog? Siri?
This road trip is great armchair travel. The canyons, red rocks, and the lone plant (tumbleweed?) in the pet rest area: great scenery. Happy trails…
Hahahahahahahahaha! Great job, Carol.
Love this! Safe travels….
Carol’s comments about how “enough is enough” of endless miles of beauty reminds me of the couple we met while camping across the Rockies. We could see for miles in every direction, and while we and her husband were raving about the wonderful expanse of scenery, she said; “I’d rather see New York City.”
Quincy’s comment is what he always says, that you’ll never understand how big this country is until you drive across, ONCE.
Glad to hear Kemba is on the ball, literally.