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No! Anyone But THEM!

Posted on by Hank
still life
Still life with weaponry: old-fashioned electric heating pad; Elasto-Gel ice belt; reusable ice pack; heavy-duty knee brace; Velcro back brace; Biofreeze; Arthrotec; Percocet; Advil

Carol gets home from late-afternoon focus groups in Danbury.  She inhales her Arthrotec for her bum knee — and then swallows a handful of Advil for her back spasms.  She settles herself down gingerly, very gingerly, on the green couch in the den to check her e-mail — with our old pink heating pad on her knee and a reusable ice pack on her back.  Ricky takes this all in.

I come in just a little bit later from teaching my writing class at Trinity, and dive for my Percocet for my herniated disk.  Couldn’t have it before leaving Hartford; not legal to drive with that stuff in your system.  By now I’m in dire need.  I also strap my miraculous Elasto-Gel around my right thigh — that’s where the referred pain from my back settles — so the ice’ll stay with me wherever I go.  Ah, relief — finally!  I hobble over to the fridge for my chef salad, holding onto the Elasto-Gel so it won’t slide down my leg.  Ricky watches this, too.

I’ve already had two epidural steroid injections, but I’m still not quite there yet.  Carol has had a PRP (platelet-rich plasma) treatment, a blast of cortisone, and two 3-shot series of Synvisc injections, but she’s still suffering.  Hospital for Special Surgery and Greenwich Physical Therapy can thank the Hermans for single-handedly keeping them profitable.

When Carol finishes with her computer, and I finish my snack, she tosses two pillows on the den carpet, and together we hit the floor for our twice-daily workout.  Again, Ricky peers at us intently.  First, pelvic tilts.  One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, three-one-thousand, four-one-thousand, five-one-thousand.  Then five sets of single-knee-to-chest, alternating left and right.  Followed by both-knees-to-chest.  Lower-trunk rotation.  Hamstring stretch.  One time, as we did our routine, I cracked up, and couldn’t stop laughing hysterically.  I was picturing our Olympic-caliber synchronized stretching being captured on Youtube and going viral.  Now, thanks to our son Matt’s cinematography, you don’t have to imagine:

http://youtu.be/PfyLsibTzGE

We got up — again, the choreography was perfect — and went to talk to Luz in the kitchen.  Regular Beagle Man followers know that Ricky is madly devoted to his St. Luz, and even on normal days is distraught when she leaves.  He’ll stand for several minutes, staring at

Don't go
No, Luz! Don’t go!

the garage door she’s just closed behind her, hoping against hope she’ll change her mind and come back.

Today, it’s a whole nother level.  You can ask Carol and Luz, and they’ll tell you the exact same thing:  As the three of us stood in the kitchen, Ricky looked up at me.  And then he looked up at Carol.  Then back to me.  Finally, he looked at Luz.  Imploringly.  And God strike me dead if he wasn’t saying, “And these are the people you’re planning to leave me with tonight???!!!

LOOK FOR A NEW BEAGLE MAN POST EVERY THURSDAY.  OR PRETTY CLOSE TO THURSDAY.  COULD BE WEDNESDAY.  OR FRIDAY.  LET’S NOT GET TOO OBSESSIVE HERE . . .  :) OH, AND BTW, YOU CAN ALSO FOLLOW ME ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER



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