My brother Matt, who’s always looking out for me, sent Beagle Man a Subaru Facebook page with a photo of some guy and the headline, “Hi, I’m Grant Weber. And I sell cars to dogs.” The site had just what you’d expect in the way of cutesy, gimmicky options: The Subaru Dog Matchmaker
asked for all my vitals (“Favorite thing” was tough: I finally went with “begging for snacks” over “napping on the couch”), and then hooked me up with the Subaru BRZ,
which is one sweet ride. But here’s the real reason Matt forwarded the link: DOG DRIVER LICENSES! Yup, you heard me. Think about it: That time in Wyoming, when B-Man — who’s already got a few points, I happen to know — was pulled over for crossing the double line? I could have just swapped seats with him, flashed my license, and taken the hit. Or let’s say B-Man pops into a Subway for a Spicy Italian 6-inch, and a state trooper sees me at the wheel and assumes I’ve hot-wired the car? Just whip out the old plastic. Not to mention the obvious: getting into the coolest bars without a hassle, and buying my own brew-dogs. But here’s the bummer: Neither B-Man, nor Mrs. B-Man, could get my damn photo to upload! No surprise there, but even Matt, who’s out in St. Louis meeting with the Clydesdales or something, couldn’t get it done. Okay, so here’s the link, and you can grab any photo of me you want. Now could somebody please help out a beagle with no opposable thumbs? I could really use that license.
The Roof Rack Report (#roofrackreport on Twitter, for those who follow me already on @BeagleManHank) appears on Mondays, usually. It’s about politics, travel, food . . . important stuff like that.
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